Tips for Explaining a Parents Addiction to Children

Tips for Explaining a Parent's Addiction to Children Addiction Coping and Recovery Methods and Support Print Explaining a Parents Addiction to Children By Buddy T facebook twitter Buddy T is an anonymous writer and founding member of the Online Al-Anon Outreach Committee with decades of experience writing about alcoholism. Learn about our editorial policy Buddy T Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Aron Janssen, MD on November 27, 2019 linkedin Aron Janssen, MD is board certified in child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry and is the vice chair of child and adolescent psychiatry Northwestern University.   Learn about our Medical Review Board Aron Janssen, MD Updated on February 19, 2020 Eric Audras / Getty Images More in Addiction Coping and Recovery Methods and Support Overcoming Addiction Personal Stories Alcohol Use Addictive Behaviors Drug Use Nicotine Use Children living in homes where there is parental substance abuse can find life difficult, unpredictable and confusing. Sometimes they even believe the alcohol or drug abuse is their fault. Dealing with the chaos and unpredictability of their home life, children can receive inconsistent messages. Children can feel guilt and shame trying to keep the family secrets. Often they feel abandoned due to the emotional unavailability of their parents. What to Tell Children About Substance Abuse in the Family If the family breaks up because of substance abuse, children may be removed from the home. Children who live with a parent who abuses alcohol or other substances may  become withdrawn and shy while others can become explosive and violent.?? They often develop issues with self-esteem, attachment, autonomy, and trust. What do you tell children when one or both of their parents are alcoholics or addicts? How do you explain the chaos? First and foremost, because trust is almost always an issue, you tell them the truth. According to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA), there are four messages that children, with parents who are alcoholics or addicts, need to hear: Addiction is a disease, you cant control your parents drinking, youre not alone, and you can talk about it.?? Addiction Is a Disease When they are drunk or high, sometimes parents can do things that are mean or things that dont make sense. Children need to know that their parents are not bad people, they are sick people who have a disease. Its Not Your Fault Children must understand that they are not the reason a parent drinks too much or abuses drugs. They did not cause the addiction and they cannot stop it. You Are Not Alone Children need to realize that their situation is not unique and they are not alone. Millions of children have parents who are addicted to drugs or who are alcoholics. They need to know that, even in their own school, there are other children in the same situation. Its Okay to Talk Children in homes with substance abuse need to know that its okay to talk about the problem without having to feel scared, ashamed or embarrassed. Children no longer have to lie, cover up, and keep secrets. They should be encouraged to talk to someone that they trust â€" a teacher, counselor, foster parent, or members of a peer support group such as Alateen. The Seven Cs NACoA also suggests that children dealing with family addiction learn and use the following 7 Cs of Addiction: I didnt cause it.I cant cure it.I cant control it.I can care for myselfBy communicating my feelings,Making healthy choices, andBy celebrating myself. Children from homes where there is parental substance abuse are often scared, lonely and many times feel isolated from society. Whether you deliver the message perfectly or not, giving them someone with whom they can talk is an important step in their recovery. Alcoholism: A Family Disease